So last weekend we left Empowered to Connect conference in Birmingham. We got to meet some new friends and got to see our favorite social worker from Lifeline. It feels like we are back in school.
Our brains are on total over load right now. We loved every minute of it! I’m finding myself just loving to learn lately. It seems like just about everyday I’m reading an article, practicing Spanish, searching blogs, and now after this weekend we will be doing more research into nutrition and sensory issues that our kids will be dealing with. In the midst of all of our learning I’m feeling a little stuck. I’m stuck thinking when are we actually going to get to use this stuff. How much longer!?
Nick and I are both not emotional about many things, I am the more emotional one of the two, but friends even comment to us, do y’all not ever get mad or upset or sad. I think I only cried at two points of our wedding day.Ok… maybe three but compared to most I’m a little dry. It’s not that the emotions are not there. It’s not that I hold them in and then explode either. I’m not sure why God has made us this way.I’m not sure and that’s ok.
While we were in Birmingham we were at church on Sunday with one of our most admired pastors and speakers. We missed our home church family but were happy to be at church with our Lifeline family. He reminded us that as they have been reading though Genesis just as our church has, at all the details and what some call “coincidences” but what he referred to as an “orchestra of God’s moves”. This picture of God orchestrating all the little details has just been so prevalent on my heart lately. He made mention of his family’s adoption journey and how in their failed attempts at pregnancy and adoption that God was using that to culminate to him leaving to go to Nepal (where they had to stop their adoption). He said never would he have made up or even dreamed up that years ago after their struggles and often asking “God why”” that he would be going on this trip.
So to be honest with you, the sibling group we are currently reviewing has a little girl in it. She is the younger of the two girls and her birthday was during the conference. We both made it though the day, we prayed for her and thought of her often. Because we don’t know if officially she is ours I wasn’t as heartbroken as I thought I might be that we’d missed her birthday. I want to be emotional about it, I want to be overwhelmed with love for this little girl who is now another year older and without a mom and dad. God is protecting my heart while still allowing us to love her through prayer. The second little girl in this sibling group has a birthday coming up in only a matter of days. Please pray for her as she too, only days after her sister, will be missing a mom and dad on her birthday.
The fact that God is orchestrating our details, rather they lead to her and her siblings or to different kids, or whatever,
the thing I keep getting overwhelmed and “emotional” about is the fact that we serve a God who is always planning, always doing, always figuring, always loving, always disciplining, always true, always real, and always faithful.
I try to be so many things and it’s ok if emotional wreck is not one of them right now, I’m sure that will come with time and then I’ll wish I was back the way I am now. But I just love that even though I’m on information overload God had reminded me that He has called us to Live Recklessly for Him and he is using each feature of who he is to bring us closer to our kids and to make us into every detail he has designed us to be as believers, as parents, as husband and wife, and most importantly as children of His.
Thank you God for allowing us to learn so much it hurts. Thank you that in your prefect timing we’ll get to unleash it all on our kids with love and that until then we can laugh about all the “use your words” and things we say to each other anticipating having to say them to the kids one day. God keep us sustained though this journey. Please let little M & B feel a special kind of love on their birthdays. Let them know they are fiercely being pursued and that we are able to do so because you so lovingly pursued us and have taught us what it looks like to love like crazy and trust in your details.
In the next day or two I will try to post an update on our actual “process” after talking with our Social Worker. I am going to also be posting more information for you as our family and friends so that you can Learn along with us, so stay tuned! Here is the one for Empowered to Connect. http://empoweredtoconnect.org/
Until they are home.